she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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