And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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