She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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