When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
