direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Randomize
