I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
