guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
