We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
