thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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