i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
