Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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