Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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