The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
