You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
