Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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