He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
