My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry about my life...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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