One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
