I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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