bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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