Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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