I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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