i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
