So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
