I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
