i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
