Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
