Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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