I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
