Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
