Dude my mom stole all your condoms
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
