Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Vodka?
Forever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
