Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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