I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
