do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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