I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
