I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
