ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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