Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
