Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
