How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
