It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
