Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
