I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
