your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have already put on my inside pants.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
