I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
4 words: hood of his car
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
