all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
