Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
