I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
