white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
