she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
