My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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