The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
