my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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