If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
