ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
