It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
