you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
